The Self-Sourcing Trap: When “I’ve Got This” Becomes a Prison

I just spent three days writing a 16-page theological treatise on the dangers of self-reliance.

Sixteen. Pages.

Filled with Greek word studies, Augustine quotes, and enough scripture references to rival a seminary textbook. All to prove that we shouldn’t try to be our own source for everything. The irony is almost too perfect. I was trying to foresee every possible objection. I aimed to answer them before anyone even raised their hand.

Maybe you know this trap too. Maybe you’re the one who always has it together, never needs help, handles everything solo. Maybe asking for support feels like admitting defeat. Or maybe, like me, you’ve turned your faith into another performance. Even your dependence on God has to be perfectly articulated. It must be thoroughly researched and biblically bulletproof.

Paul had a word for this: philautos—lovers of themselves. It heads his list of end-times vices in 2 Timothy 3, and it’s not talking about healthy self-care or boundaries. This is the self-love that builds walls instead of bridges. It whispers “I don’t need anyone.” But what we really mean is “I can’t risk being hurt again.”

The Wound Beneath the Wall

My 16 pages of research confirmed something my heart already knew. Compulsive self-reliance usually grows from the soil of abandonment. Someone, somewhere, didn’t catch us when we fell. So we learned to never fall—or at least, never let anyone see us falling.

We become our own parent, our own comforter, our own provider. We even convince ourselves this is spiritual maturity. After all, doesn’t God help those who help themselves? (Spoiler: that’s not in the Bible. Anywhere.)

But Jesus paints a different picture: “I am the vine; you are the branches. Whoever abides in me and I in him will bear much fruit. Apart from me, you can do nothing” (John 15:5).

Have you ever seen a branch try to bear fruit on its own? I have—in my backyard after a storm. The branch lies there, slowly browning, leaves curling, any unripe fruit shriveling. It doesn’t matter how hard that branch tries to photosynthesize. Without the vine, it’s just future kindling.

That’s us when we self-source. We look productive for a while, even bear what looks like fruit. But eventually, the disconnection shows. The anxiety creeps in. The exhaustion becomes chronic. The very self-sufficiency we thought would protect us becomes our prison.

The Plot Twist: You Were Never Meant to Go Solo

Here’s what surprised me in all that research: the Bible doesn’t just call us to depend on God. It insists we need each other too.

Remember Moses? The great prophet, the one who spoke face-to-face with God? Even he couldn’t hold his arms up alone during battle. Aaron and Hur literally supported him. They helped him keep the posture of dependence that brought victory (Exodus 17:8-13).

“Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

This isn’t a suggestion for the weak. This is the design. We were created for interdependence. God is our source. Others serve as the hands and feet through which His support often comes.

The early church got this. They shared everything, ate together daily, “devoted themselves to fellowship” (Acts 2:42). They didn’t do this because they were codependent. They understood something we’ve forgotten. Strength isn’t proven by how much we can carry alone. It’s proven by how honestly we can share the load.

Breaking Free: Small Steps Toward Sacred Dependence

So how do we escape the self-sourcing trap? Not through another self-improvement project (I see you, fellow overachievers). Instead, through small acts of sacred rebellion against our own self-sufficiency:

This week, try one thing:

1. Tell someone about a struggle—before you’ve figured out the solution. Let them see you in process, not just in victory.
2. Accept help that’s offered—even if you can do it yourself. Especially if you can do it yourself.
3. Pray this simple prayer: “Lord, I can’t. You can. Help me trust You.” No theological treatise required.
4. Join something—a small group, a serving team, a Thursday morning coffee with a friend. Create consistent spaces where people can know you over time.
5. Practice gratitude for interdependence—thank the person who bagged your groceries, held the door, smiled at your kid. Notice how even small acts reveal our beautiful need for each other.

The Invitation

Maybe you’re reading this from inside your own carefully constructed fortress of self-sufficiency. Maybe you’re exhausted from being your own source. Maybe you’re ready to try something different. It’s not because you’re weak. It’s because you’re finally strong enough to admit the truth: we were never meant to do this alone.

The branch doesn’t apologize for needing the vine. It simply abides, draws life, bears fruit.